Things I Love About The Default World #1

Two-ply Toilet Paper

If there is one thing that makes the Default World superior to Burning Man it is two-ply toilet paper. No one loves the porto-potties that are the principal place for peeing and pooping on the playa. But most of us would probably feel a lot better about it if we could use that soft Charmin-quality two-ply toilet paper instead of the hard-on-your-ass one-ply that feels like it might have come from some third world country. 

As we left Burning Man, I couldn't help but think how happy I was that I was finally going to be able to wipe myself with something that didn't leave harsh abrasions on my tender butt cheeks. Why can't they make a porto-potty that can handle two-ply, for chrissake? 

Now, don't be fooled... the one-ply requirement is not an ecological thing, as some of you might be thinking. Its not about saving trees or some such idyllic nonsense. In fact, I expect that there is more physical mass of paper used at Burning Man per capita shit than in the Default World.

Why? Because every one of you knows that when you peel off that microtome-thin paper from the roll (assuming there actually is a roll in the porto at all) you immediately start doubling it up and then quadrupling it and so one because you KNOW that this paper will be useless if used in its virgin state. No one actually uses a single layer (if you do, I expect your fingers end up smelling pretty gross damn quickly!)  So by the time you are done constructing your makeship 8-ply, you easily use more physical paper than if you could just use a nice soft Bounty-type paper from the local supermarket. 

Of course, you have to use the stuff they provide (or something similar of your own) if you honor the code. The portos can apparently handle doubled or quadrupled single-ply but not commercially manufactured two-ply at all, or so they say.  

Why? I have no idea but I imagine there is something in their recovery systems that needs to ultimately break down the tissue and even when it is wadded up, the single ply junk works while the store-bought two-ply stuff gums up the innards.

But I can not figure out why someone hasn't just made a porto that can handle the soft stuff that soothes your rear. Yeah, it might make the portos more expensive, but at this point, with ticket prices pushing $400, what's another $5 or $10 a year to have a baby-smooth ass when you are done, instead of skin that feels like sandpaper?

C'mon, United Sanitation! Make us all happy and figure out how to solve this universal problem.  You will make 60,000+ burners feel a helluva lot better with their week at home.

Bleurose/Jon

Please feel free to post your comments. An exchange of ideas about Burning Man as well as the Default World is one principal reason for posting this blog.